From today on...

All I want is for my life is for it to be on its way. I’m going nowhere and I’m starting to realize that I’ve been suffering from delusions of grandeur. I always thought that I would grow up to have some huge impact on the world because my birth was such a miracle, then my baby sister was born and I started to realize that it didn’t make difference if I was lucky to have been born and that your bad circumstances don’t guarantee you ending up having a good life. Then I see other’s who expect to accomplish so much with their lives and I don’t understand what it is that makes them feel so special. I want to accomplish a lot in my life but I don’t know what I want to accomplish a lot towards. Do I want to go to law school and become an attorney and maybe one day a judge…do I want to go to medical school and one day become a doctor…what is it that will make me happy to do for the rest of my life? All I want to know is that, My life is so miserable right now that a few times I’ve wondered if it’s all worth it…either way we all end up the same way, Dead. You may have made the world a better place through your existence on earth but in reality it won’t save you from dying, more people will come to your funeral that’s all. It’s literally a race against time to make yourself as happy as possible before you die then it’s all over. Why waste time being in school and stressed then being in another school and stressed just because of what social expectations exist in the world? “If you don’t go to college, you’ll never amount to anything.” Do you have any idea how many kids hear that from their parents, teachers and even their peers? There is no point in forcing unhappiness upon ourselves just so that we can fit into better scheme of society. Not everyone should go to college. Not everyone’s life has to be lived the same way, or requires the same steps. The truth of the matter is that if we all focused on making the world a better place and sustaining it’s resources for generations to come and enjoying our lives we would be so much happier. Instead of being a busy middle class no body who hates his jobs but does it because it pays the bills and keeps his wife from leaving him maybe he should be writing music and playing the guitar because it makes him happy and keeps him stress-free. Life is what you make of it so from this day on I’m going to start figuring out what exactly it is that makes me happy and focus on doing that and maybe I’ll get lucky and be able to do that for the rest of my short time on earth. I will focus on making people’s lives better because if I don’t, who will? With the whole world focused on getting ahead and being better then the guy behind them no one will think about the guy who just couldn’t make it in the hussle and bussle of things and is now on the streets starving and was so quickly replaced because there are so many people out there. Everyone’s heart is so cold towards people who have nothing and what’s bad is that I use to be one of them. I remember myself saying, “they choose to be homeless, if they wanted a job they could get one.” This may be true for some people, but honestly do you think that even a major franchise like McDonalds or any other fast food place would ever truly consider hiring someone who had no home or car even if they were a good worker and would be a benefit to their company? No, they wouldn’t. My new goal is to make things better for those who can’t make things better for themselves. I won’t be affiliated with any church or even a religion for that matter because it shouldn’t take faith in God for us to see that our Species is suffering. Any person, of any religion or no religion, should look at a starving child and want to help them just because they’re a human too. Survival of the fittest died with our own mental evolution from cavemen to the modern day person. If everyone could just take a step back and realize that we’re all in this world together maybe life would suck a little less and another teenager generations from now won’t be feeling the same way I do. Help me change the world, even if it just makes one person’s life better…mine.

Who will save your soul?

Sitting here listening to my wide variety of music I find a short lasting portal to my inner self. I find an escape from the real world by diving into the meaning of my vast songwriters minds. What is your escape from reality? I really want to know how genuine and unique I truly am, if I am at all. RANDOM SIDE-NOTE, I won't be capitalizing anymore of my i's from now on. i like the informal style that comes from not having perfect grammar or punctuation and at the fear of being perceived as an idiot i thought i would inform you. I believe that every person wants to think that they are one of a kind, but the more i think about it the chances of me being the first person in the history of mankind to act and speak like i do is slim to none. People's mannerism's come from generations of adaptation, right? So i am be the first to express myself as successfully as i do but what i'm expressing isn't new just newly expressed...that sounded more complicated then it should. My example of this is going to come from high school. My high school band director had a habit of finding controversial opinions and facts and spouting them at his classes and making it seem as though he was the origin of this knowledge when in fact the internet led him to this, so when the students started stumbling across this information on their own he was out of creative forces, but he led us to this information so he actually made us capable of our own understanding. 

Explanations...

I don't think that my thoughts are any more important then yours but the difference is I am trying to express them, so bite me. At what age can one truly understand the complex concept of agreeing to a life with someone till death do they part? Maybe it's just because I'm bitter towards relationships but to be in your early twenties and married seems ridiculous, am I alone?

and so it begins...

I never thought I was a person who would ever blog, but here I am 19 years old and preparing to blog my heart out to a vast electrical nothingness. Maybe my thoughts will get lucky and run across some other lost soul searching for...whatever a person might search for. I myself am searching for a purpose. I understand and realize that searching for a purpose may be better suited for a different time and place besides online at one in the morning. To get to more pressing matters, the purpose of this blog is going to be pretty much me analyzing my life and what goes on in it and hoping I'll come across some guidance from those who have gone through or understand what I am experiencing. :) I am unusually optimistic about this.